A world that no longer wanted me
1. The rupture
Paris, a winter evening.
Being thrown out by my father at sixteen marked the beginning of an initiatory cycle I never chose.
The door closed behind me with a dry, almost ordinary sound, yet it split my life in two. I was sixteen. In one second, childhood vanished, replaced by a solitude so vast it seemed to swallow the entire street.
Slowly, I walked down the stairs, as if each step pulled me away from a world that no longer wanted me.
Outside, the city shone with indifferent beauty.
Without knowing where to go, I kept moving, carried by an obscure force I did not yet understand.
There are nights when something shifts, without knowing what or why.
2. The first step of an odyssey
I didn’t know that this wandering would become the beginning of an odyssey filled with sudden encounters, unexpected fortunes, storms at sea, betrayals, prisons, impossible loves, and unforeseen rebirths.
I didn’t know either that behind every chaos, an invisible thread was already pulling events together — a thread Carl Jung had sensed, one the Yi‑Jin would one day help me understand.
That night, I didn’t just lose a home.
I crossed the threshold of a story far greater than myself.
3. Seeking one’s reflection in another
We all try, one day or another, to understand what escapes us.
Our actions become senseless, our choices surprise us, and we turn toward others to try to translate ourselves.
Sometimes, we even seek our own reflection in someone else, hoping to finally find the understanding our soul’s silence refuses us.
We believe our feelings are unique.
Yet we all seek the same thing:
to find someone who shares our emotional frequency.
4. Why I write
This is not a settling of scores.
This is not a spiritual manual.
It is a testimony.
The testimony of a man who saw the invisible knock at the door of the real.
That man is me.
I do not write to convince.
I do not write to teach.
I write to transmit what I wish I had understood earlier:
- behind chaos, an order
- behind suffering, a meaning
- behind matter, a consciousness
- behind every life, a plan
Here is mine.
5. The infernal cycle: age 16 → 25
Between sixteen and twenty‑five, I went through a hellish sequence of consecutive, uninterrupted events.
A cycle so terrible I would wish it on no one.
When my father threw me out, leaving me with a prepaid hotel room for two months, the shock was so violent it marked my life forever.
At sixteen, legally emancipated, alone in Paris, I had to invent my own survival.
This situation forced me to begin adult life ten years ahead of time.
This chapter is the first step of that cycle.
The first fragment of an initiatory narrative revealing how chaos becomes a path.
What the reader understands in this chapter
- The moment when a life shifts
- The birth of an initiatory cycle
- The link between abandonment and transformation
- The first manifestation of the “invisible thread”
- Why this story speaks to those who have lived ruptures